Prep school

[Rococo maiden]

The strict rules are no
Discouragement
Every girl longs to take part in life
Of course, there are those who don't
They are the ones predictors say won't
Make the cut
With my study satchel and my school-girl skirt hiked just so above the
Knee
I feel crazy, crazy
Crazed with the pain of pressure and last night's cram school headache
It sits on me, it blankets all of us who
Know they have to make a
Go at life
You're only young once, after all
The peach eaters preach
The academic manifesto
To any girl who will hear
Don't look for smiles, warmth
Some can't help being cold-blooded any more than
A reptile can
They stand,
And stare
Messing with their perfect hair
Horrible venus flowers that Dante couldn't dream of
Exhisting in his seventh circle of hell
Has life made them this way? Or has the
Great battle royale plan pushed them into play
couture-scented killers?
What a relief to be a man, and have that
Lumbering view of life
Safely immortal in their Neanderthal mindset
They should beware of girls who smile the flattering
Stare
They are the ones who eat men like air

NOTES: I really want to improve in writing poetry, and so I'd love to hear any comments/thoughts/critique that anyone out there has. . .It would be really helpful to hear what you think! Also, the last line (---eat men like air) is actually a phrase from Sylvia Plath's poem Lady Lazarus, I added it because I thought it really illustrated my ending point.

[spazzycat]

First off, you get major points just for a Dante's Inferno reference.

I like the negativity, and the hopelessness, and the rhythm was good. The rhyme itself was well spaced, but I reccomend reading it out loud several times and making sure that's where you want all the words. You never know--you might find that some of them would sound better in different lines, or that some lines have too much of the same beat. I think that the way you have it right now is good, though, it gets into one pattern then abruptly changes, and that really emphasizes the mood of the poem.

^____^ Hope that was helpful.

[Rococo maiden]

First off, you get major points just for a Dante's Inferno reference.

I like the negativity, and the hopelessness, and the rhythm was good. The rhyme itself was well spaced, but I reccomend reading it out loud several times and making sure that's where you want all the words. You never know--you might find that some of them would sound better in different lines, or that some lines have too much of the same beat. I think that the way you have it right now is good, though, it gets into one pattern then abruptly changes, and that really emphasizes the mood of the poem.

^____^ Hope that was helpful.

Thank you for your compliments, and critique! :D As I previously said, I really want to improve my poetry, and your reply gave me a good starting point. Thanks!